I thought it was the dish that ran away with the spoons?

Well, in the nursery rhyme it is but for me it's POTS!

Click this for an explanation of POTS

And this for an explanation of SPOONS

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

I can't believe I'm even contemplating this...

Okay so one of my biggest regrets in life is having been too ill back when I was 19 to get the sort of degree that would have led to a good job. Back then, I didn't even know what I wanted to do!

Recently I've been nurturing a desire to work with children, but I'd been considering a role such as TA. However, there isn't much chance for career progression with that, and being an optimistic person, I like to think that as I get a better handle on my health issues, I could progress up the career ladder. I don't want to be a teacher (though I could have been as I did get accepted a couple of years ago to do a PGCE- a years qualification for those who have a degree [mine is in rather a stupid, useless field]) but I would like to have some responsibilities and challenge. Maybe I am crazy, but I have let my health and my fears hold me back for so long... I'm starting to sense a rebellion coming- my inner spirit fighting back!

I saw on a job description of learning mentor a degree in learning, development and support that sounds interesting. I think being a learning mentor would be a great role for me. It's all about supporting children with learning needs OR about working with gifted and talented to push them... basically it's doing what I love, working with young children to help them. That's what attracted me to TA work but the problem with that, at least here in England, is they get a lot of menial tasks to do and if I got a mean teacher I could end up as the teachers dogsbody and not doing much of the stuff I love- the actual interacting, guiding and supporting the children.

Plus as a learning mentor you can progress with experience and even become a manager of other mentors. It just sounds exciting and as if it has more scope for opportunities. Okay so I may never want to be a manager but the fact that I could be if I wanted to be is enticing.

I wouldn't even need to do the degree to become a learning mentor, but the degree sounds attractive because it's one Saturday a month. 3 years (scary...) and done within work, so the tasks you get you are to do whilst you're working as a TA or LM already. So a big part of me right now- the ambitious, conscientious part that all but died when I was most ill, is crying out for the challenge.

And I might just heed its call.

Even though it's scary.
Even though it might take a chunk out of my savings.
Even though it will mean working hard for the next 3 years and pushing myself to the limit.

Because if I get that qualification, at least I am doing myself justice. I'm NOT too sick now to do it, I've just been too scared and too unsure of what I want. But now I'm having ideas again... this could well be the turning point.

I know it won't be easy. I'm not fully decided if I want to do it, I need to weigh things up carefully. But that part of me that regrets how much I wasted by not knowing what I wanted to do, by holding back because I was afraid... that part of me is wanting a challenge. It's just whether the rest of me is really up for it, or maybe it's just pie in the sky... I don't know.

I've emailed them anyway and asked if there's places available. I've talked it over with my Grandma, will do so also with my Mum.

I always felt like I hadn't done enough for myself academically, like I'd let myself down. Even though it's later on in my life, it's never 'too late'. My boyfriend has just gotten a degree at the age of 38! I'd be getting mine at 30 or 31 (depending if they have places available this year, or if I have to wait until next).

I feel like maybe I owe it to myself. I just hope if I do, I'm not taking on too much... BUT if it interests me and will help me in the career I've finally chosen... maybe I CAN rise to the challenge...


  1. Laura,

    Being ill can so often squelch out our dreams. You listen to that gut and heart of yours, if it says it's time to pursue this dream, you can do this!! I'm almost 30 and just now have my condition under control where I may be able to pursue my dreams again in the near future... And although there is always the voice that says" this is crazy, your too old- it will ever happen" we just have to turn away from that doubt and embrace that dream and the joy and comes with it. You can do this! So exciting. I'm happy for you and look forward to hearing what you choose to do!

  2. Thank you so much Lucy! Positivity and encouragement is just what I need :) I really appreciate it. Got another update to come hehe! xx