I thought it was the dish that ran away with the spoons?

Well, in the nursery rhyme it is but for me it's POTS!

Click this for an explanation of POTS

And this for an explanation of SPOONS

Saturday, 27 March 2010

Decisions, decisions

I have a lot to think about these next few months. It's an exciting time, the decisions won't be easy to make, but I don't feel stressed or afraid about them... which is a really good thing! Ordinarily I hate change and get very freaked out/anxious. Not this time- least not yet anyway!

For the past 5 years I've worked as a hypnotherapist. It's only ever been part time, because I never generated enough clients to do it full time hours. But, part time is what I've been able to manage. I've enjoyed it immensly. I've helped people and I've managed to earn money, though not enough to move out of my parents and be independent.

My boyfriend would like me to move in with him one day- it's not something that's imminent because we're both being slow and steady about it, which is good (any faster and the change would seem overwhelming and I'd freak out!) but it means I'll have to make a lot of changes. I won't be able to just be a hypnotherapist then- I'll need to earn more money.

Luckily, one of my passions is also working with children and I'm nearing completion of a childcare diploma that would allow me to do that. So one of my ideas was working 3 days a week with children and 2 days as a hypnotherapist. That'd be ideal... but- my Mum, who has worked in education the past 22+ years, pointed out that there's really no jobs for teaching assistants (what I'd like to be) that are just for 3 days. It's either full time, every morning, or every afternoon.

If I was working every afternoon, I could see one client per morning, so that's an option.

However, another thing crossing my mind is for me to stop being a hypnotherapist and focus on full time work. I've never done it; I'd like to try. Full time school hours as a TA I think I could manage, so long as I could go home and rest afterwards (my original plan was full time TA, see clients in the evening and holidays, but since finding out I really DO have a chronic illness and am NOT just 'unfit' or 'tired' I have realised this would be too much for me).

I'd really like to work in a school, I just don't know what my best option would be... whether to go for it full time and give up the hypnotherapy... or whether to try and do both somehow. It's not an easy decision.

I feel almost like if I tried to do both, I might end up doing neither one as well as I could if I was just doing one. However, just doing hypnotherapy is not a viable financial option. So that leaves just doing the TA work. If I did that, I wouldn't have any 'cases' to worry about (there are times when helping other people with their problems can be stressful and that's when I'm JUST doing that, nothing else!), all my free time would be mine to spend however I choose.

It seems like an attractive option... but then I think I might miss the hypnotherapy. But I'm not sure. I've loved doing it these past 5 years and it's built my confidence because I've been able to do something during the time I wasn't well enough to go out and get a 'proper' job. But it can be draining. I don't know if, realistically, I want to do both when it might be detrimental to ME. I want to look after myself. Live my life to the full, but that means allowing time to relax and have fun too. If I try and do everything, I won't have time or energy left for MYSELF and the things I want to do.

So I'm actually considering giving up the hypnotherapy in the future. Even if I'd miss aspects of it. Because sometimes, to gain something, you have to give up something else.

Another thing I'd really like to do is write again. Properly, not just a bit of blogging here and there- but a book. If I worked as a TA to bring in the necessary income towards bills, holidays and fun, I could write in the evenings and/or at weekends and during the holidays. It might never come to anything, but at least then I've tried.

I just don't know if I'm ready to give up something I've enjoyed doing for 5 years, something that's so worthwhile because it helps others and makes me feel good because I've done so.

But if I want to have a balanced life in which I have time for me, to do the things I enjoy doing- like socialising, dancing and holidays, then I might have to.

I don't need to decide yet anyway. It will also depend on what jobs are available. If there's a perfect little part time TA job I could take that and have a go at doing both that and hypnotherapy, see how it goes.* But then equally, if there's a perfect full time job at a good school or nursery, I wouldn't want to miss out on that just for the sake of hanging on to something that it might well be time to let go of...

*The trouble is, when I imagine doing both... I get the feeling that the hypnotherapy would be a hindrance to my spare time that I'd like to have to relax, meditate, and take care of myself by doing things that make me feel good!

For some reason, since the idea occurred to me, I'm leaning more towards letting it go... perhaps I sense that it's time to start focusing on looking after ME instead of looking after others...

I'll just have to put my trust in the universe to guide me the right way. I'll know what to do when the time comes. I trust that, and even though it might not be easy, I trust it'll work out for the best.

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