I thought it was the dish that ran away with the spoons?

Well, in the nursery rhyme it is but for me it's POTS!

Click this for an explanation of POTS

And this for an explanation of SPOONS

Friday, 5 March 2010

The emotional strain... Follow up

Thanks Michelle and Em for your support and advice in my last post.

Because I don't see my boyfriend in the week, and because I am bad at explaining things (get emotionaland brain foggy!) I sent him an email- oh yes, I did mention that in the previous post (what was I saying about brain fog? lol).

He replied to it saying he will be more patient with me and is happy with the shorter walks I can manage, as long as we are spending quality time together.

Hopefully from now on he'll understand better now I've explained it all. It was really dumb of me to pretend like I was super-woman and not admit how bad I feel. I have more issues than just POTS- I was afraid he just wouldn't wanna be with a 'sick girl'. But I guess if it turns out he doesn't then it's better I know, and it's better I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him decide with the full facts at his disposal!

For some reason though I feel very drained and sad. Maybe just because it took a lot out of me, daring to finally open up. Added to the fact I am still coming to terms with finding out something HAS been wrong with me these past 8 years (no one believed it) I think in some ways I still have some fear that because I don't LOOK sick or even SEEM it at times, people won't believe me.

I'm counting down to April 9th still- when I'm hoping to find out whether it's POTS or IST or maybe both that's affecting me.

It's been good mostly to get things out in the open- the way my bf would say things like "I hope you get fixed" made me afraid to tell him how bad I felt and admit to my fears that it might NOT get 'fixed' so easily as just seeing a Dr and popping a pill and being better just like that. He said if it doesn't then he'd be disappointed about me not being able to do certain things like longer walks, but "that's life." He assured me he wouldn't leave me and that the only reason he's been 'nagging' me about these walks is because he wants to spend lots of time with me. I guess he couldn't understand why I was able to do them in the summer, and now can't, when I still look and seem (at least at the weekend when I see him and have rested lots in the week in order to have the energy!) as healthy as I did then.

I know someone can't promise you they'll never leave you, and I won't hold him to that, I just wanted to know that he has good intentions- that he intends to stick with me, that he wants to stick with me. I was afraid that if he knew I might not improve, he'd not intend to stick with me at all. But he seems to want to at least for now, so from now on I can be more honest and upfront about it all. If things change then they change, but you never know, now I've been honest and 'let him in' they might just change for the better. Fingers crossed.


  1. good for you laura. i do think speaking out as you go along will be the way to go. otherwise resentment will build. im guilty of this too especially before getting ill.

    i would go out and pretend to be ok, holding back what i really felt like. however when symptoms go so bad i couldnt do this no longer. so i found myself saying out loud, 'i feel ill', which is so unusual for me. its taken me a long time to achieve this. xx

  2. I can understand that! It doesn't come naturally. Sometimes, we have to be forced into it when things get too bad to hide... xx