I thought it was the dish that ran away with the spoons?

Well, in the nursery rhyme it is but for me it's POTS!

Click this for an explanation of POTS

And this for an explanation of SPOONS

Thursday, 27 May 2010


Feeling a little glum lately, ironic that had to happen after I said I wanted to write more about the positive. So I figured what I'd do, so as not to deny my negative emotions, is get them out first and THEN put in my 'despite dysautonomia' things at the end, to end on a positive note, to show others and remind myself that even though it can be hard to live with, life can be lived in happy ways despite dysautonomia!

So, feeling glum. Well, I guess it's mostly because I feel FRUSTRATED. I feel like my life is on hold. Because of pots I haven't truly worked (I don't consider my own business with very part time hours really working) and now I've made my mind up what I'd like to do, it's too late to apply for this year, so I have to wait until NEXT year. Next AUTUMN! And to top that off, it's not even guaranteed I'd get a place, so if I don't, I'd have to apply again in 12 to start in 13, or apply to do a different route into teaching, but again it would be starting in 2013! Because by the time the application process is over, I'll have missed the deadline for anything starting in 2012. So I basically get one chance only, if I don't accepted this year for NEXT, I'm waiting until 20-freakin-13!!!!

It makes me feel afraid and I don't like to feel afraid. It's daunting enough having pots in your life without other things having to be so hard on top of that!

I am trying to be optimistic though and tell myself I'll find a way to work with kids no matter what. If I don't get accepted for the Graduate Teacher Program, I'll find out by next Summer. So then I could get a job either as a teaching assistant or even a job in a pre-school or nursery. Although as I would prefer to be a teacher, I'd probably be best getting a TA job and working up to HLTA (top level) and then if I chose to reapply for GTP I'd have more experience.

I suppose I am feeling bad though because I'm assuming I won't get in- because I am thinking about this on a very bad potsy day and that always makes me afraid and think the worst.

So, what I will have to do is just do everything in my power to make sure I get accepted, so I can begin training in September 2011! And IF I don't, instead of feeling glum and panicky about it now, I will cross that bridge when I come to it! I am after all a big believer in the universe supporting and guiding me...

oh. my. god!

I can't believe how IRONIC this is what just happened!

As I was writing that sentence, an email popped up- just for long enough for me to see the title: THE UNCERTAINTY OF LIFE.

I believe in signs like that. So I will read it when I finish this blog, and I'm sure it will probably be telling me to embrace the uncertainty and not to worry because no one can know what their future holds so there's no point worrying about it!

So, I will just apply for the GTP with the best glowing references and glowing self report I can muster, and then pray and hope and ask my angels to pull out all the stops (I believe in angels and regularly ask them for help and they always do help- my driving test story is a class example of that!).

Then IF I don't get a place, well I will accept that 'it wasn't meant to be' and accept that the universe is steering me in a different direction, and that even though it wasn't in my plan to go that way, everything will turn out all right if I just have faith and trust!

Wow, I feel much, MUCH better now! hehe. Blogging is always so cathartic for me!

So, despite dysautonomia, I went out walking at the weekend in very hot weather and enjoyed most of it! Didn't walk as far due to the heat, but saw some very pretty countryside and took pretty pictures. Passed a trout fishery where they sell fresh trout, which we are going to buy one day for our tea! Yum yum!
Also, last week I went out with friends to a restaurant and had a lovely time chatting and catching up, and tomorrow I am going out for a friends birthday- and will no doubt end up dancing. Even though I have felt uber crappy today, I am determined to go as I've been looking forward to this night for months!
Oh, and today me and my Mum found a gorgeous lounge bar/restaurant where I am considering taking some friends when I've moved in with my bf (as it's near where we shall live). So there are many things about the future that are looking bright, even though it is uncertain, and I do believe things will work out for the best as they always do.


  1. don't worry hun, I agree. I always feeling like I'm bugging ppl in my life with how I feel, but that's what blogs are for! Not just the readers, but us as well. I use mine on days when I want to teach something, AND when I feel glum. It's the one place to vent, where I don't have guilt for doing so after wards.

  2. PS thank you for the email about licorice root! it was a big help. I didn't know about taking it in dropper form, so I'm definitely going to look into it :)