Decision made and really good news

Something very exciting happened just after I pressed POST on that last blog- my boyfriend texted me with great news- we have a place together! Okay so neither of us has moved from our respective homes as yet but it's really exciting and we're sooo looking forward to making a home together.

In a lot of ways, this is what has been prompting me to make this 'career move'. Because such good things are happening in my personal life, I want to make my work life good too.

So, I am going to go for the graduate teacher training. I have plenty of time to 'experiment' with medications to best manage my condition. (At the moment, I'm not sure if I feel better with the beta blockers or not- in many ways I do, but I also feel really tired a lot of the time, a different kind of fatigue than what I was used to, and I don't like it). I'm hopeful that with time, I'll find a balance that helps more than hinders me. If not, maybe I can manage unmedicated- since I did for 9 years. We'll see anyway.

This allows me time to move house, get settled in, and keep working my part time job, and perhaps add in some further voluntary work in school. I was considering getting a job as a teachers assistant but I might be better off just sticking at what I know and am used to, as I'll be going through a lot of changes as it is with moving, and travelling back here to where I live now, to do this job from the same premises. I figure I can spend some quality time with my Mum when she's retired, maybe holiday/travel a bit with her, and certainly with my boyfriend. And above all, try for improvements in my energy levels. All my other symptoms I can cope with, I just wish I had more energy and focus. Hopefully there will be time to find the right treatment for that; shame I can't afford acupuncture every week as that used to really help boost my energy! Maybe if I have it once a month or something. There's plenty I can try anyway.

Even if my energy DOESN'T improve, I think I'd still enjoy to be busy. Sometimes when I am busy helping at school, I still feel tired but it's different to the fatigue I feel when sitting at home like I am now. That just makes me want to lay down and have a sleep. Sometimes at school I can be really tired but still get enjoyment from being there with the children, so I hope this is how I will feel when I start the training. No doubt it is tiring but I prefer to be tired from doing something worthwhile than just sitting on my butt while my life passes me by...

So, the decision has been made, finally. Come September 2011, I'll begin training to be a teacher (that's assuming I get accepted! And I am going to assume that because I like to be positive). September 2012, I should be qualified, ready to work. So another two years until I start work 'properly' lol. Although doing the GTP will be like working because you get paid a wage to do it whilst you train.

It's all good and I am happy, I just wish I could feel a little less wiped out! My fatigue intimidates me and often makes me wonder if I am capable of doing these things I want to do. I won't let it stop me from trying though. I just wish that I could feel the energy and enthusiasm I know I have in me! I think that above all else is what I hate most about POTS. It just totally ZAPS you. :( I'd give all the money I had even just to feel 'okay', not so drained and listless.