I thought it was the dish that ran away with the spoons?

Well, in the nursery rhyme it is but for me it's POTS!

Click this for an explanation of POTS

And this for an explanation of SPOONS



Monday, 6 September 2010

ARRRGGGH!

I am STRESSED!

One thing, bizarre things keep happening with my computer. Like I said in the previous entry, I keep being unable to post to this blog. I've just managed to do so via google chrome, but try to do it using firefox and it just won't have it. I press 'new post' and it directs me but never loads the page, saying 'Transfering data from google analytics...' and the swirly things goes around and around, meanwhile... F ALL HAPPENS!!!!

Also, when I do a google search (something I happen to do a lot more than I realised, but have since realised since it's become such a bugger of a problem) instead of taking me nicely and properly to the page I click on in the search results, I randomly get redirected to other bizarre search engines I'd never before heard of or used- or random porn sites or just any old sites absolutely nothing to do with what I was searching for.

Okay, so since writing that I just tried a google search and that didn't happen, so maybe running spybot search and destroy and doing a restart has sorted out that problem, but the problem with my blog is still ongoing- I cannot write in it from firefox, which is my default browser, because whatever the data is from google analytics, it will not be transfered!

Other things stressing me out:

Being too busy! Okay, I like being busy, but I'm also stressing/worrying because my business is running over into October and this is the time when I start having thoughts of impending doom because it's usually a time when I crash and fatigue takes over my LIFE even more so than it generally has already. Added to that, I have also got to stop my florinef (weaning off it over the next 2 weeks) so that I can have my injections for Peru (can't have live vaccines whilst on it) and also stay off it during the trip (immunosuppression was not recommended by my Dr when I am trekking through the Peruvian jungle). This would be semi okay with me as I managed without meds for 9 years when I was undiagnosed, BUT...

I'm SO BUSY!

It was helping my symptoms and

I'm going thousands of miles away from home, on my own, with no medication to help my POTS... that is bugging out my mind!!!!

back to the being stressed because of being busy... I try and plan things so that I can do busy enjoyable things and then crash out/rest the next couple of days. But then my bf keeps wanting/needing/asking me to do things. So for instance, Friday night was supposed to be a fun, non stressful night out with my good friend M. But now it's also a day out carpet shopping, with his Mum along too (an added stress because she'll give her opinion, which may clash with his and ours, which then means that she gets a bit knarked when he says his opinion is different, which means he then gets stressed with her and they snap at one another, which means I get stressed trying to keep everybody happy whilst also NOT being a doormat and just agreeing with someone else and ending up with a horrible, ugly carpet just to keep the peace and save myself from added tachycardia!!!
And then Saturday, which was supposed to be my day of rest/recovery and recumbency is now me driving us both to a family do. Which I now also have to find the time to buy a card for!!!
And Sunday, Sunday is no longer a day of rest in any way, Sunday I am starting a reflexology course so I will have to drive somewhere I've never been before, early in the morning, which stresses me out anyway, after ALL THAT OTHER STUFF- SHOPPING, PARTYING AND BF'S FAMILY OBLIGATIONS.

So instead of looking forward to a good fun night out, I am stressing about all the other things I have to do!!!

So I thought, this calls for some beta blocker. But BB wipe me out and I don't wanna be wiped out, so I cut a 50mg atenolol into 8ths with some scissors. It was difficult, and I cut my own finger pad, not once, but TWICE!!!!

Also, during the course of this past week, I have gotten into the habit of wasting my precious water by kicking it over in various patches on my carpet as I keep leaving the glass on the floor (where I usually am) and then when I actually get up to move somewhere, I forget it is there and inevitably my foot finds it and my cardigans, which are also on the floor because I'm too darned tired and stressed to waste energy hanging them up in the wardrobe, get a nice cold bath. So then I have to waste even more energy going to the bathroom for a refill of water from the tap!!

Next time I make plans, I am going to make them a week in advance, not 4. I thought I was being sensible and managing my spoons wisely choosing nights out with friends 4 and 5 weeks in advance, but no. That far in advance, other, less organised people tell me my time is to be filled with other things, courses spring out unexpectedly when I'm doing an innocent search (when it actually works) wondering if there might be any starting soon (bloody hell, it starts the same weekend I booked that night out!) and things like carpets end up having to be chosen, bought and fitted. In the meantime the plasterers plaster, the decorator paints, the fireplace fitters fit, the loft insulators insulate and my bf thinks I have it easy because I get away from it all during the week. Little does he know how much stress I am truly under trying to 'save spoons' for all these weekend events that are so tiring for a potsy, especially one who is on HALF HER MEDICATION AND SOON TO BE NONE!!!!

Okay, maybe I might benefit from another 8th of that beta blocker I cut up... all this adrenaline is not conducive to getting a good night's rest.

I feel better for getting that out! A good rant and rave is most therapeutic. Thank goodness at least one browser is letting me post to my blog.

2 comments:

  1. That is weird about your browser bc I find it's usually the one that works better and faster... then say internet explorer. I find when I know about plans/ make plans, etc. I only book one a week,especially if it months or weeks in advance, that way with all the normal life things that pop up, it won't be too much... usually lol. Don't want to see you crash or having no rest time before your trip! If friends are true, they'll understand u needing to break some off.. or change the plans to them doing one of the things with you that you can't change. Why is the mom going shopping with you? Isn't it yours and Lee's place to choose? Sorry if I spelt his name wrong!

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  2. Yes, it is- he said she just wants to help. Trouble is though when he doesn't agree with her she acts a bit offended and they snipe at one another. Then I feel stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace! I just didn't want the added stress on top of shopping when I am stressing about being on half my dose of meds and noticing that, despite feeling okay fatigue wise, standing is getting harder again. But I am just focusing on Friday night, out celebrating my friend's new job, and having a good time together as it's been a while since we managed it due to my pots and her having an ankle surgery. At the end of the day it is mine and Lee's decision so if she favours something we don't, we'll be going for what we want whatever she says about it. Although she has had some very good ideas that we have followed so who knows? I just stress if they get all snipey at each other... but if that happens I'm just going to walk to another part of the shop and keep out of it! ;)

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